About

Hi, I'm Jessica. My husband and I lost our sons Ben and Nate suddenly in the second trimesters of what were, until that point, normal and healthy pregnancies. Fortunately, we were immediately surrounded by an outpouring of love and support from family, friends, and coworkers. As time went on, I found that most people stopped bringing up my losses at all. I don't begrudge any individual person for taking this approach, but what they probably thought was a sensitive way to handle my grief actually made me feel more lonely. I think about Ben and Nate every day. After spending time with some amazingly strong women in my support group, I realized I was not alone in this sentiment.

One thing I've learned in this grief journey is that I need to ask for exactly what I need. No one can read my mind, and society does a very bad job of teaching us how to handle other people's losses. However, asking can feel like an imposition and is therefore easier said than done. I am immensely grateful to everyone who ever asked me a concrete question I could just say yes to ("can I bring dinner Tuesday?" or "do you want to talk about it?").

This project is my concrete offering to other parents who have suffered a pregnancy or infant loss. You don't have to reach out to ask the question- you just have to say yes. If you would like a reminder that your child is remembered, sign up for a card. I will reach out to you on a difficult date of your choice (e.g., due date, birth date, or death date).

I hate that I have to say this, but I want to make it clear that the goal of this project is to support people who have lost a wanted pregnancy via miscarriage, fetal or infant death, termination for medical reasons, etc. I will not tolerate anyone misusing this service to target people who voluntarily terminated an unwanted pregnancy. Medical decisions should be made by patients in consultation with their doctors, not by policymakers.